Thanks guys. I think it's something personal that I am working through. Although I am proud of what the wife and I have been able to accomplish in our life together, I've felt kind of filthy lately, like I am taking the skills, talents and abilities that the Lord has blessed me with and perverted them for personal gain, and I don't like feeling that way. I think it may have something to do with looking at my grandchildren and the legacy I want to leave behind, and with everything I've posted online, I don't ever want them to read through this and think their grandpa was prideful or boastful.
The wife could sense that I have been struggling lately and we were able to have some nice long talks and discussions pertaining to this during our short trip last week and I really think it helped. She reminded me of the parable of the talents in Mathew 25. Each of us is blessed with some sort of talent or skill and what we do with those talents and skills is up to us, but we should use them to continue to serve the Lord. We are not to serve false idols, and money can be an idol if we allow it. Although money is necessary in our life, we shouldn't worship or love money, but rather use it to better our lives and family. I also think there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and I don't ever want to cross that line to the arrogance side.
I have been extremely blessed in my life, and I don't take that lightly or for granted. I recognize the Lord's hands in my life daily and when I start to drift towards stacking the shop with work and becoming fixated on earning money rather than sharing knowledge, it really starts muddying the waters of my mind. My goals for so long have been two-fold; I want to continue learning each and every day, but I also want to share what I have learned as well as to share my passion with others. There is so much negativity in the world right now and so many with the victim mentality and if they could only see they have the ability to steer their lives in a different direction rather than stay stagnant in victim land, they could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It really seems like in the mechanical industries or fields in particular, or maybe I am just more in tune with that field, but it seems like you can't open YouTube or any other platform without seeing someone complaining about how terrible the mechanical environment is and why they're leaving. It doesn't give our younger generation much confidence nor willingness to step into the world of mechanics. Which is sad because there are so many opportunities, more so today than in the past but it isn't easy work nor is it a way to "get rich quick". Nothing worthwhile is quick anyways. Anything worthwhile requires time and dedication to grow and develop, but the reality is in this world we are living in, people think everything should be instant and learning a trade and becoming proficient is far from quick, hell, I'm still learning and I've been at it for 4 decades now and will never know as much as I want to.
I appreciate those who have reached out via PM to check on me and inquire. I'm still here and reading most of the same threads that I have participated in, just haven't posted much lately.